New Movie Review: ‘Ready Player One’ (2018)

DO YOU REMEMBER JOHN HUGHES MOVIES DO YOU REMEMBER KING KONG DO YOU REMEMBER CLARK KENT DO YOU REMEMBER D&D DO YOU REMEMBER VIDEO GAMES DO YOU REMEMBER THE BEE GEES…DO YOU REMEMBER????

Ready Player One (2018); Directed by Steven Spielberg

Now, as many of you know, I am really not a fan of (and by not a fan, I mean I passionately despise) the novel Ready Player One and I promise that I’m going to try to not make this into a rant about how I feel about the book. We’re here to talk about the movie. And I want to be able to discuss the movie on its own merits or failures.

Usually, I use this space to give a brief summary of the movie, but I think I’m going to keep my summaries quick. After all, you’re not really here for the summary, you’re here to hear about the execution. So from here on out, I’m going to keep my summaries pretty short and sweet, like two (maybe three) sentences short and sweet. Ready Player One is about Continue reading →

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New Movie Review: ‘Tomb Raider’ (2018)

“I don’t care anymore” – Actual character line in the movie and also how I felt after about five minutes into this garbage fire of cinema cells.

Tomb Raider (2018); Directed by Roar Uthaug

Okay, imagine an alternate universe where Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade starred someone named Lara Croft (played by Alicia Vikander) and was a nightmare collection of Continue reading →

‘The Avengers’ (2012); ‘Road to Infinity War’ Review #2

Oh, The Avengers, that show with Diana Rigg, Patrick Macnee, and Honor Blackman? No, not that one? You mean the 1998 movie reboot with Uma Thurman, Sean Connery, and Ralph Fiennes? What, you say no-one remembers that either? Okay, jeez, fine, I give up, we’ll review the Marvel one.

The Avengers (2012); Directed by Joss Whedon

The world was not ready for the storm that was 2012’s The Avengers. It swept in like a hurricane, blowing any other Continue reading →

New Movie Review: ‘Pacific Rim: Uprising’ (2018)

It’s robots smashing giant aliens into buildings. Honestly, what did you expect?

Pacific Rim: Uprising (2018); directed by Steven S. DeKnight

Following 2013’s smash (geddit?) hit Pacific RimPacific Rim; Uprising is the sadly Guillermo Del Toro-less sequel continuing the “story” of the Pacific Rim series, featuring the worst trailer in recent memory. Picking up ten(ish) years after the war in the original film, Uprising follows Continue reading →

‘Iron Man’ (2008); ‘Road to Infinity War’ Review #1

“Can I get a reaction from you?” “Panic. I would say panic is my reaction.”

Avengers: Infinity War is nearly here. And it’s about damn time I did some re-watches on the seemingly ever-present Marvel movies. To look back on the path we’ve followed, from the origins of the Marvel Cinematic Universe all the way to where we are here in 2018. Continue reading →

New Movie Review: ‘Annihilation’ (2018)

Man, somebody really liked reading ‘The Colour Out of Space.”

Annihilation (2018); directed by Alex Garland

Coming right off the back of his excellent 2015 film, Ex Machina, writer-director Alex Garland brings the adaptation of Annihilation to the big screen. Based off of the novel of the same name by Jeff VanderMeer, Annihilation follows a team of women Continue reading →

‘Octopussy’ (1983); ‘Take It Easy, Mr. Bond’ Review #13

I watched this movie on December the twelfth, of 2017. Now, a full three months later, here we are. It’s terrible. Hope it was worth the wait.

Octopussy (1983), directed by John Glen.

Movie bad. There, there’s your summary. People star in it (starring the mummified husk of what was once Roger Moore). People filmed it. Surely people wrote it, but I can’t exactly find any proof of this. The worst part of it all is that since I watched this a while I ago, to write a review that was readable in any way, I had to go back and watch this enormous pile of garbage again. Continue reading →